The Overwhelming Feeling of Frustration

At this moment, I wonder to myself (feeling the full onset of frustration) as to how I deal with this sentiment. How it is that I get past this sickening and crippling view that I am unable to accomplish something? It’s one of the most detested feelings that I have, as I am sure for most of humans. We hate coming up short.

One of the ways I guess that I can rid myself of frustration is writing my feelings in an honest way. I’ve had a marvelous time in France thus far, as I am putting photos up of my time here I realize this fact to the fullest degree. However, I can’t help but sometimes question what I’m doing, the reasons for which I have decided to do the things I do (in this case being in Toulouse), and what it is that I plan on doing. I’m slowly starting to come to terms with the idea that I may have to continue school for another year upon my completion of the 2008-2009 school year at Toulouse, which arrives in mixed feelings. I will further build my professional knowledge and be more prepared to be a sharp and competitive candidate in the job market, yet it has me question what it is exactly that I feel is the most suitable course of action to follow upon the completion of my ASU education. I really would like to learn Spanish and Chinese, and I am more and more sure that I am wanting to do a Masters degree. However, the real question is whether it is in business or something else. Frankly, I find that diplomacy could be a very good choice for me, for it will allow me to engage in a subject matter that I find dynamic and captivating. I will never know unless I try it. The business environment at the moment is obviously unfavorable, as is seen in this month’s statistic of the US losing over 530,000 jobs just this month, the worst since 1973. That’s terrible. Secondly, what I realize is that to me it’s really important for me to do something that I really believe in, that I love, that I want to do everyday. Why do I want to be an Accountant if I hate doing my job everyday? I will basque in my naïvity and say that money doesn’t buy happiness, do you know why? Because it doesn’t.

Returning back to the reasons for which I am here, what I’m doing here, and where I am going; the theory behind me attending classes at ESC Toulouse is that I am to attempt receiving the dual degree (ESC Toulouse-ASU) at the end of the year. Furthermore, it would permit me to ameliorate my chances in the work market by granting me work experience in the form of an internship starting in April. I will hopefully (cross fingers) begin seriously looking for an internship within the next couple of days, as I was succesfully taken in by AIESEC after having passed their ‘review board.’ The results were excellent, and I was fucking pumped about how I did. Amazing feel, one that I crave and almost need.

I’m planning on changing into la section française le semestre prochain because I feel it would benefit me much more than staying in the English section. I will openly admit that I find it quite difficult to understand the underlying logic in why certain things are carried out the way that they are in the school system here. It really is giving me another dimension to my experiences, something that is valuable in itself. I am definitely more open to change and adaptation from my experiences abroad, notably this one. The school work is another issue, and I think that I will have my work cut out for me in Arizona upon my return.

Finally, I know that it is important for me to be more autnomous, it’s in the natural order of the world for the offspring to assume more and more responsibility (as is seen with baby chicklets being forced to eventually fly out of the nest). As I’ve learned in my Psychology course, every person has their own way of reaching their potential. Parents are sometimes so obsessed by how their child(ren) rank(s) compared to others, that they push their children to read more, study more, etc. I am by no means saying that this is bad for parents to do, but I am asserting that it’s overdone and not always necessary. As we had learned, frequently the ‘slowest’ of the batch in the early years of infancy remarkably turn to be some of the brightest once they hit adolescence age. Thank God for my mom’s reasoning of always being behind her kids, which is why I am able to write this blog today. I truly love my mom for that among so many other things.

I had called friends today from Saudi Arabia, and sometimes I am a little stunned at how it is that life plays itself out. I mean, I have known these friends for over 15 years, and I am always striving to maintain relationships all over the world; although it is up to the recepient to be receptive as well (obviously). It’s easy to forget and move on, but harder to attempt to maintain contacts from previous experiences. In any case, I’ll keep trying but it’s occasionally fatiguing.

Categorizing subjects in my head that seem to be the most interesting and original method for me to bring up an interesting topic. I find that I use these sort of classifying techniques when I am planning some sort of project (whether it the dates of a trip, or how I will structure a report); it’s just the way that I function.

I am currently doing a project for my English class, a final project. I am to survey different students in the university and pose them questions regarding their thoughts on the library fee that is imposed at 120 Euros for use of borrowing books. Anyway, it may be tempting to make up the responses since my teacher does not really know how I have obtained the data, and it is what some of the respondants have suggested I do. Yet, I find that there are times in life where one’s principles are revealed, when the person acts in a way when nobody is there to witness,judge, and/or evaluate. It is kind of relié (tied with) the philosophy of Karma, doing the most good with the least amount of bad.

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